I have a confession to make. Sometimes I have a hard time surrendering everything to God.
I trust Him completely. I know He is much wiser then me. I know He loves me. I know He wants the best for me. I know He has forgiven me. I know I still sin.
I don't understand how He can continue to bless me with all my faults, flaws and failures.
It's that time of the year here in Northern Michigan where all the rifle deer hunters are in the woods looking for that big buck. The season runs November 15-30. Opening day is like a state holiday. Businesses close, people take off school or work and the excitement builds that week before. David has hunted as long as I've known him, 37 years. In 2015 when he got a deer opening day and I for the first time, helped him gut it, I decided I had done it all now. I may as well hunt too. I've help skin and process deer before but never field dressed.
David took me up on that and bought me a rifle for Christmas that year. The following fall, I took my hunter safety course and got my licence. That November I spent two weeks in the woods, learning the hard way what not to do. The same the following year.
It is nice sitting quietly in the woods with the critters carrying on around you. I've had chickadees perch all around me within arms length. I've come face to face with chipmonks, been visited by 50 wild turkey and seen red fox. The first year I saw a button buck dance in a meadow 50 feet from me and never realize I was there. One rainy day I watched a doe shake off the rain from her coat and remember it in slow motion. It was beautiful.
This year I vowed would be different. I was determined to get my first buck. I sat in my cozy blind that first day and saw movement before dawn. Around 9am I had a doe come by. I got ready, hoping a buck would be along soon. 30 minutes later a four point came into view. I started shaking so bad I couldn't get the scope to stay still on him. Another lost opportunity.
The second time he came back I wasn't ready and he was too quick for me. That ended the first day.
Friday, I have to work an 8 hour shift in the afternoon. We left for our blinds a little after 6am. I had set an alarm for 10am so I would know when to come in to get ready for work. I'm sitting there wondering how I'm going to feel if I do shoot a deer. Will I be happy or sad? I've never intentionally killed anything other than a bug. I started wondering why God should bless me with a deer, surely I don't deserve it. Even though I'm saved, I still have that surrender issue and sometimes I still sin. I think "God, if you going to bless me with a deer, he's going to have to stand still, I'm not quick enough to shoot a moving object."
5 minutes later, a buck walks into view. I was ready and had the scope on him in seconds. He walked across the road, turns around and starts walking toward me. I freeze. He puts his head down and just stands there! It's still a little dark, it’s snowing and about 7:10 am, but I make sure I see antlers and pull the trigger. He dropped right in the driveway, 5 feet from where I shot him. It was awesome. No regret, no remorse and a freezer full of meat.
Why would God bless me like that? Me, a saved sinner? Me who isn't perfect at surrendering?
Because even with all my faults, with my sometimes doubts, with my occasional sin, with my selfish desires that still rear their ugly head from time to time, He still loves me.
Proverb 3:5-6 NLT
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek His will in all you do,
and He will show you which path to take.
Blessings, Cecilia
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